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Don't date or marry an abusive person. Why abusive behavior? Failure to control outcomes may lead to abusive behavior. The failure to control outcomes finds others as the cause and then target of externalized frustration and rage. "Every time you do that you make me mad!" means frustrated actors punish others to displace their own failure to control outcomes. In short, frustration experienced through negative outcomes becomes externalized rage as abusive behavior. Imagine the desperation experienced by toddlers as they fail to please their parents, their care-givers. A generalized feeling of dread envelopes their attitude toward new experiences and ideas. Parents with poor parenting skills soon destroy the toddler's quest for self-actualization, learning to learn, and an assertive, non-aggressive place in the world. In the United States schools routinely promote "failing" students. As a consequence failing behavior becomes a rewarding behavior in an ironic twist. Failing behavior becomes a means of controlling outcomes. "Why try?" becomes an attitude toward learning new behavior and ideas because there's no risk of frustration and chastisement. Looking back to hunting-and-gathering societies, life may have had more external dangers and little material wealth, but controlling an individual's outcomes for thought and practice remained within the reach of most actors. Simple technology and simple customs allowed most actors to control the outcomes of their thoughts and practice. Most people would find plenty to reward their efforts without frustration. Rage and frustration existed, and we must imagine some sense of control over outcomes existed. Where such control failed, sympathetic magic would arise in response to perceived powerlessness. Time and conditions change. In hunting-and-gathering societies outcome control remained in reach, but behaviors similar to today's stealing, lying, cheating, and abusive behavior existed. At the forefront of their emergence, these conscious behaviors probably began through deception. Women and children learned to hide surplus food from dominant males, deceiving their patriarchal leadership for simple survival. If the reader prefers, Adam and Eve deceived one another and begot Cain, the masterful agrarian deceiver of his parents and herding brother, the first homicide victim. Lies, counter lies, deception, and homicide remain part of the human condition. Rage and abusive control, as in the beginning, remain part of the human condition. Where outcome control fails early in life, early frustration and rage become filtration mechanisms, selectively filtering socialization for no good. A barrier to ridding society of barbarism grows with abused toddlers and others. Crime Scene Cleanup
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